


hey cas, you listening?

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Death, M/M, One-sided Conversation, crap how do i tag this, dean being emotional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-29
Updated: 2013-08-29
Packaged: 2017-12-25 00:03:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/946285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it's been three years. three whole years since Cas died and Dean still can't bring himself to move on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hey cas, you listening?

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time writing something for supernatural, so i'm really sorry if anything seems off. otherwise, enjoy.

“You know, I'm still not really over it. Over you.”

He sat down on top of the grass, in front of a headstone with the word _Castiel_ carved into the front of it. He tried not to look at it too much when he stopped by to visit his friend.

“I'm not one to pay visits to where my friends and family are buried, but you... I dunno. You're different. I feel like you're actually here, Cas, and sometimes I have to stop and remind myself that you're a long ways away from here. I know your soul's not here or anything. God knows where that thing is right now.”

Dean paused and took a moment to look at the sky. It's nothing special, really. It was mid-summer and the sky was as clear as ever. The tall trees surrounding the field where Castiel was buried made it look like a meadow, and Dean could picture him walking hand-in-hand with Cas in an area like this. He shook his head as if to rid the thought and dropped his eyes to the half-dozen or so roses clutched in his palm. He stroked a few fingers over the dark crimson petals, finding himself breathing a sigh too big for his lungs.

“Sometimes I wonder about that. Where an ex-angel's soul goes when their vessel dies. Do you go back to heaven? Do you get another shot at being an angel? God, Cas, I've got so many questions for you, but you won't answer them 'cause you're a stubborn bastard like that.”

He weighed the flowers in his hand for a moment before placing them beside his crossed legs, right in front of the cold slab of rock that marked the head of Cas's grave.

“I got these for you. And before you go thinking that I'm some moron who's hopelessly in love with you, I'm going to stop you right there and tell you you're completely right,” Dean laughed, but it was a sad, hollow sound.

“I know, I know. I'm too sappy for my own good, shut up. Just accept the stupid flowers, okay? I went to an actual store and spent time picking them out, so I better hear a thank-you sometime.”

His hand drifted from the long green stems to the flat face of the square grave marker. He dipped a fingertip into the carved words, tracing each letter delicately as if it was a part of Cas. His fingers lingered around the C in his name, and he brought his other hand up to rest his head on as he continued caressing the one letter.

“I miss you, Cas,” he murmured. “I miss you when I turn over in bed and expect you to be there. I miss you when I'm watching crap television and I go to hold your hand. I miss you when I pour two cups of coffee in the morning and I miss you when I leave space on the couch for you to sit. I miss everything about you, Cas. I miss it all.”

Dean kept his gaze upwards to avoid the hot tears clouding his vision from spilling over. He took a breath, two, and finally returned his eyes to the _Castiel_ imprinted on the stone, dropping his hand from it.

“Cas, if you can hear me, I love you. So much, _so much_.” He closed his eyes and felt the remaining wetness soak his lashes. He took a steadying breath and dragged his fingers over his face, clearing his throat and sniffling a bit.

“But you already know that, don't you?” He nodded to himself.

Dean heaved a sigh and stood up from his folded position on the ground, feeling his joints pop and crack as they straightened out. Looking down at the flattened out grass on top of the grave, he vaguely wondered how long he spent talking to Cas today. Must have been longer than usual, Dean was particularly stiff this time.

Dean lingered a moment there, standing at the foot of the grave with his hands deep in his pockets and his hair rustling from the light wind passing by. He didn't know what else to say, his lips mouthing words as he tried to work out a proper goodbye to say to him.

He finally shut his mouth and let out a quick breath through his nose, closing his eyes. When he opened them, a light smile tugged at his lips.

“See you around, Cas.”


End file.
